My first, and last! Love

EXPERIENCES, as of now.. I’m currently on my 20th lap around the sun so I’m speaking from a what some would consider an inexperienced mind just based on age. I didn’t get into my first actual relationship until I was like 19 & below I’m going to explain why it refer to it as “my first & last, love”. If you’ve been keeping up or reading my old publishing ironically I spoke on the idea of “love” a lot with .. no experience. Now that I have some experience I feel the same way still regarding the aspect of it but I never wrote on how it’s a individual learning “experience” between you, your emotions, and yourself. Or how you just learn in general in an non “negative” mind frame that bad will occur so here’s how you can avoid it.

Now below are all traits I feel as if I was, let’s say familiar with but I finally got to understand & experience the meaning of them.

Love: If you look up the definition of “love” it’s very vague. I think it’s vague because an unadulterated version of it is unexplainable. It’s nothing you can describe only something you can feel so we only have an idea of it in order to help equate the minute things we “love” to other things we “like”. For example I’m speaking on my “love” experience but it’s only so much depth I can go into because I don’t know how to really capture my feelings via words, yet! Love. I learned “Love” and how important it is for it to be heartfelt with no manipulation attached.


Sincerity: Sincerity is a noun meaning “the QUALITY of being free from pretense, deceit, and hypocrisy” One of my favorites! To hear someone say something and mean it. To see someone do something and mean it. To hear in a persons voice what someone means to them. That’s all such a beautiful thing I picked up on the depth of it because once again I got to experience it from the receiving end. Try to be more sincere even if it’ll rub others the wrong way, I feel as if it’s a form of honesty so it’ll be appreciated.

Emotion: If you read anything before the “one person” publishing you’d probably think I’m a cold cut bitch. I was told once “you’re like old girl from frozen, the cold never bothered you anyways” because they couldn’t grasp the fact I was so emotionally aloof. I didn’t care, I never did until! I had a young man enter my life who happened to be good with being emotionally supportive it taught me how to be emotionally supportive to others also just for the shake of helping someone feel more comfortable and less heavy emotionally. I use to just suppress feelings and let it ride out, I got to learn how to express myself. I also use to not care about the emotions of others in a “if it didn’t bother me, why is it bothering you” type of way. Which definitely is selfish.

Friendship: Again If you keep up with me in a sense you know I place the idea of friendship & what it takes to be a friend at the top of the totem pole, you also might also know I feel like I apply to much “pressure” on the responsibility between two people to be “friends” and carry out the friendship correctly so if don’t corporate to my logical liking at least regarding what it takes to be a friend I’ll literally get rid of you. This young man taught me how to be a lot more forgiving…

Admiration: I probably come across as very full of myself and that’s only because I was constantly admire, which I appreciate dearly. I learned that to be admire, praised, as little as being acknowledged and compliments boost your self esteem. Gives you reassurance. So As of now, again if you know me you know I take a compliment by giving a compliment, I mean whatever I say to you by the way. But I must reiterate I probably wouldn’t have realized the importance of telling someone good about them without learning from someone else.

Vulnerability: Everybody walks around on edge whether they want to acknowledge it or not we aren’t walking around relaxed because we’re dealing with what bothers us while also not being, again, comfortable having the chance to say “fuck it, let me tell you something as simple as what’s bothering me mentally.” And having no repercussions of betrayal following it. Amazing. I realized “damn, people don’t get to release as such so let me set a staple for people to be able to do that also.”

Acceptance: It is what it is, and that’s just what it is.

I will always consider myself to be lucky to have had a one on one study session on how to value those particular circumstances that come with dealing with people. See I always knew the importance of what I listed but I didn’t necessarily love them, not as intensely. I lived in theory basically among myself, I kept a very fair and square mind frame about all of that but now I can honestly say my perspective has transformed a bit.

Now when I say last it’s just emphasis on the fact I’ll probably never date again, it’s no reason to. I don’t look forward to it.. I’m very certain that I experienced a one in a life time love and even at this young of an age I’m very satisfied, content, humbled by it. It was such an connection of purity I know it won’t and will never be surpassed under any circumstances of how much a person may be flattered by me.

& Although I no longer have any of this at my buck and call in a romantic way, it’s forever instilled in me personally. I use it in my everyday life and it’s probably the reason why you’ve grown to actually like me more than ever before. All this is what you’ll consider “praise” isn’t bias either.. it’s not from a relationship-standpoint this is just the kind of person this person happened to be along with what they happened to teach me. Must I say they’re a Pretty authentic person whether it be friend or foe really, I got to realize all of this after getting to know him independently.

I SINCERELY! From the bottom of my heart couldn’t be more thankful I got to experience such an experience.

Appreciate the people who appreciate you, always.

Wishing you all much Peace, Joy, and Prosperity xoxo. Xo

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