Inconsistency

I’ve been extremely inconsistent and it’s probably due to the inability to control my emotions.

I’ve been extremely inconsistent and that’s probably how I’ve been able to keep it together although it’s getting hard. I’m overwhelmed by emotions I much rather not acknowledge and with that I feel like individuals have been trying to drain me of my sincerity because they know it’s unconditional. Stuck between a rock and lots of tears since I know changing in order to protect myself would alter how I flow so meaningfully, people deserve me, people deserve to experience my love and their ability to be sacred to me. It gets hard when it’s not appreciated but taken advantage of with no “thank you” even though you don’t need to hear “thank you” because that everlasting passion is you. I do this. All I ask is not to be selfish with it(me) though.

I can’t even be at peace with my actions because I’m considerate of how they’d make others feel although I still do them because I must move forward as everybody else. It’s almost like I can’t enjoy the fruits of my labors.

I struggle with the battle of being open yet unreceptive in the hopes it brings me clarity on how to move forward knowing people don’t care about you unless it’s beneficial for keeping their peace meaning they disregard and destroy yours.

I suppose when you’re willing with your feelings people forget you have them. Not even respecting the process it took for you to get where you were when they disturbed you. Not even respecting that you saw what you seen in them that allowed them in to disturb you. Not even respecting the boundaries you must create in order to get almost to that place you once were when you were comfortable because it’s not the same.

I’ve been inconsistent mixed selfish nonetheless and I don’t feel comfortable apologizing for it because the consistency people desire I desire for myself. I’m now selfish because I’ve been selfless for so long I need help.

 I must try to enjoy this journey of “not becoming what unsettled you in the hopes you’ll become better you.”

Wishing everybody MUCH Peace x Joy x Prosperity all ways, always.

xoxo

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