Internet Aunty

DON’T THINK I’M ANYTHING I KNOW I’M EVERYTHING” – Internet Aunty 

Aquarius Kid


Los Angeles 05 May 2018

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16 June 2018

I’ve decided to not only debut my appearances on this page but my short sermons also, since they aren’t long enough for an individual post most of the time, and my independent thoughts. I want to treat this like a true to feeling url diary. I’m a person who gets satisfaction out of progression and regression regarding individuality.

– INTERNET AUNTY


27 June 2018

I’ve re-prioritized what I want to do regarding how I live. I’m happy with how i’ll be portrayed, the negative aspects, and the comparisons. I have never felt this happy to just do what I want with myself, I usually just still do but I’m usually worried or considered how I would be taken. Accepting the freedom to make mistakes while you figure life and yourself out is a feeling I hope you all get to experience. 

– INTERNET AUNTY


02 July 2018

“We Flip Losses to Lessons” – Internet Aunty


11 July 2018

1 of 1 compared to none

– INTERNET AUNTY


12 July 2018

I’m willing more than ever to lose friends, I am not sorry that I can sense I will eventually outgrown my friends who will turn into acquaintances. I think that might be the finishing stages of my growth as a person because now people can’t relate  to me nor will I make them.. I’ve re-birthed myself and I need something new or at less doesn’t weigh me down mentally. People that can no longer help me finish growing and help me gain more knowledge just don’t hold priority to me any longer, not meaning I won’t be there for people who need, would like my assistance but you can tell who wants it oppose to the people who just wants conversation for the sake of having contact with me. I have no energy or desire to waste my energy developing/keeping up connections of no substance.

INTERNET AUNTY


15 July 2018

PRIDE is the only thing that fits me right now.

Is it really being “cocky” when you can back it up?

I love myself. 

– INTERNET AUNTY


Palmdale 19 July 2018


03 August 2018

To many people abuse the ability to compromise in a relationship by manipulating it into control.

– INTERNET AUNTY


18 August 2018

I’ve been constantly reminding myself it’s no such thing as embarrassment.

INTERNET AUNTY 


Downtown Santa Monica 23 August 2018


09 September 2018

Mac Miller decided to rest in a peace unknown to man on the 7th, it’s been a very solemn, sad day.. I’m not going to get over the fact one/3 of my favorites who kept me up while I was feeling low because he felt low also is now gone. Music is very important to me as you know & he is one of the reasons why… now gone.. “swimming” one of the most beautiful albums I’ve heard In a while probably won’t be listened to in a long time, was given to us by a wonderful soul .. a soul that’s not here physically.. I cherish the times I’ve seen him live .. I sincerely do. I cherish the artistry and the artist.

This shit is sad.

“Mourning for selfish reasons. He’s probably way happier now. I’m think I’m sure. Still hurts tho. gone way to fucking too.”

– Steve Lacy


Lancaster 14 September 2019


Downtown Los Angeles 14 September 2018 


20 September 2018

People should start understanding you can still be sad and also not want to dread in your sorrow.

Let me enjoy my laughs so I can control my cries.

– INTERNET AUNTY


22 September 2018

Why are the statements “I’m crazy, “well you know I’m crazy”, really being accepted when justifying unfavorable behavior we know to be unfavorable. Yet frown upon authentic unfavorable behavior from someone that’s crazy?

What’s crazy?

– INTERNET AUNTY


23 September 2018

I’m trying, I try. Effort.

– INTERNET AUNTY 


25 September 2018

It is what it is, and that’s just what it is.

– INTERNET AUNTY


Santa Clarita 27 September 2018


27 September 2018

All I ever aspired to obtain for was comfort, not millions of dollars, not luxurious things, just the ability to be comfortable & accepted by those who love me even if I let them down.. and to hope! They still see the good in me, depending on the circumstances.

INTERNET AUNTY


28 September 2018

A constant Dedicated Dedication to Dedicate the feelings I’ll probably never be able to express because my words mean much more than my actions.

INTERNET AUNTY


Los Angeles 28 September 2018


29 September 2018

It’s like I care so much, I don’t care at all.

INTERNET AUNTY


30 September 2018

Do you “love” me or do you just like me a lot.

INTERNET AUNTY


You hate that you can’t hate me, and that’s okay. I love you too!

INTERNET AUNTY


02 October 2018

I think the problem is I’m growing up in different aspects of life and I don’t know how to introduce myself to happyness I need.

INTERNET AUNTY


Much love to who I was. Even more love to who I’m becoming.

INTERNET AUNTY


No longer incorporating “if you knew better you’d do better” as a way to measure ignorance. Sometimes I know better than what I decide to do.

INTERNET AUNTY


03 October 2018

I care about you but I don’t care about losing you because losing you.. I’ve lost myself and I never want to feel like I’ve lost myself because I’ll have to overcome that, not you.

INTERNET AUNTY


05 0ctober 2018

For every tear shed it is another tear formed.

INTERNET AUNTY


07 October 2018

Vibrancy radiating through sadness

INTERNET AUNTY


09 October 2018

It’s good that everybody is “sensitive” expressing their feelings about how stuff bothers them but, nobody is obligated to care.

INTERNET AUNTY


10 October 2018

I’m proud to say day by day I’m finding a little more happyness revolving around myself while experiencing more inner peace.

INTERNET AUNTY


12 October 2018

Currently learning: It’s not my fault how people interpret me without asking for clarity to understand me.

INTERNET AUNTY


13 October 2018

forever is a

Lie

INTERNET AUNTY


14 October 2018

I can’t grasp how a person can be infatuated with you to the point they’ll deny the ability of anyone else having you & also not want you.

 – INTERNET AUNTY


16 October 2018

The only person that can disappoint me is myself.

INTERNET AUNTY


Palmdale 30 October 2018


06 November 2018

I do all this authentically, apologetically, and unconditionally.

– INTERNET AUNTY


I love dancing with the devil because it keeps me on my toes.

INTERNET AUNTY


You can’t tell me I’m not everything I know I am! + More

INTERNET AUNTY


Everything is biased.

INTERNET AUNTY


The kind of person I am really throws people off to the point they don’t know how to deal with me, accordingly, at the very least.

INTERNET AUNTY


People really turn into what hurt them and that’s such a casualty.

INTERNET AUNTY


The bias cultural normalities regarding black parenting is just as much of an epidemic as crack in the 80s

INTERNET AUNTY


Camp Flog Gnaw 2018 11-12 November


25 November 2018

We sad out here. We mad out here. We really sad tho. But we even madder tho. We just the saddest of the maddest, mad that we’re sad.

INTERNET AUNTY


26 November 2018

3xPeat

Potential.

Pride.

Prosperity.

INTERNET AUNTY


Promise to never let the hurt build up to the point it becomes overwhelming to enjoy, joy.

INTERNET AUNTY


I’ve done a lot of soul searching to cure the hurting.

INTERNET AUNTY


28 November 2018

You feel different when you can’t feel like you know you want to.

INTERNET AUNTY


29 November 2018

Do everything with certainty.

Do everything with certainty.

Do it all with certainty.

Say everything, you mean, with certainty.

Be certain.

INTERNET AUNTY


You know we suffer in silence just to empathize our Strength & Independence which is terrible because it just keeps us in our conscience. Continuous tainted thinking being reiterated among yourself keeps you at a place of despair whether you want to be there or not. 

INTERNET AUNTY


18 December 2018

Maybe if I express how sad I am I’ll let it all out

Maybe I can cry it out

Maybe misery is lonely

Maybe what if

INTERNET AUNTY 


Los Angeles 19 December 2018 TDE ToyDrive


03 January 2019 

We can’t be sad

We can’t be mad

We can’t enjoy joy

We can’t

We can’t love

We can’t lust

We can’t leave

We can’t

We can’t do this

We can’t do that

We can’t do anything

We can’t

but we will

– INTERNET AUNTY


Symmetric Chaos

deserving undesirables

non – fictional fiction

unexpected predictions

vice versa

– INTERNET AUNTY


A lot of hate, A lot of love

even more lust

A lot of regret, A lot of joy

not enough trust

A lot of thoughts, A lot of thinking

for what

INTERNET AUNTY


I have a lot of them many feelings, many tears, much hate nothing to dissipate but only reiterate what I felt, all the fears

unconditional love

INTERNET AUNTY


A strong mind weakens the soul.

– INTERNET AUNTY


Currently treading elegantly on balance beam of peace during this earthquake

and if I fall goes it all

gliding pass the flaws

hitting despair hard

mentally paralyzed while feeling it all

INTERNET AUNTY


11 January 2019

Whoever said  two wrongs don’t make a right didn’t drive at night

two wrongs actually does make a right

..down, down, down

down memory lane decorated with pain

where the headlights only brighten your tears

with a speed limit to move you forward fast enough to forget your fears

onto a highway with no exits to exit

INTERNET AUNTY


19 January 2019

Passive aggressive

passionately reckless

purposely selfish

never asking for forgiveness

just acceptance

and if you can’t do that

for me I ask you

to let me be

from here to eternity

in your journey

learning

me

– INTERNET AUNTY


Los Angeles 22 January 2019


Boys need love too!

They hurt the same as me or you!

They’re drained the same and used for gain

same as me or you!

Boys need love too!

They need reassurance, they need comfort, they need communication too!

Boys need love too!

They hurt the same as me or you!

They’re claim to fame is independence, too

Which is understandable with no dependent to!

Boys need love too!

They’re heart hurts, which pains mine too!

Boys need love too!

Who’s there for trust as time becomes a virtue?

They’re insincerity becomes serenity

As people say and don’t do!

Boys need love too!

I appreciate you!

INTERNET AUNTY


(s)he loves me

(s)he loves me not

they love me

they love me not

I want them, they want me not

I need them, I need them not

I’m selfless, they’re selfish a lot

I talk, they listen not

I hurt an awful lot

It’s the name of the game

No, No it’s not

INTERNET AUNTY


The same reason you love me is probably the same reason you hate me.

INTERNET AUNTY


13 February 2019

I don’t know what people want from me let alone expect from me, and it’s such a sad thing to just observe because in a sense I let them down.

I don’t let people down! I feel as if i’m the best person I could ever be for others and they take advantage of my willing. They take, well they try to take, advantage of MY willing as if it doesn’t belong to me… as if it’s not mine and with that self given entitlement they become insulted when I decide not to be willing with my willing.

Willingness is a noun meaning “ the quality or state of being prepared to do something; readiness“. Truth be told sometimes I don’t even have willingness for myself.

At this moment I don’t even know what I want from me let alone what I expect from me, and it’s such a upsetting thing to live through because once you’ve overcome a point in your life where you begin to develop clarity to move forward…that’s it.

INTERNET AUNTY


If I’m a reflection of you, believe

I question why you treat me like you do

for I see more than you see in yourself, clearly

I’m confused

INTERNET AUNTY


15 February 2019

How does one speak what they know yet do not know what they feel

INTERNET AUNTY


If my past could talk, it would cry

If my cry could talk, it would laugh

If my laugh could talk, It would be silent

If my silence could speak, it would scream

SCREAM – be loud, be angry, be scared, be surprised

relief

RELIEF, tranquility, serenity, peace

INTERNET AUNTY


NIGHTMARES ARE DREAMS TOO

INTERNET AUNTY


Do I really not know or do I just not care

Do I care and just not know why

I do know why I care…

I much rather not have known so I wouldn’t have ended up caring

INTERNET AUNTY


07 March 2019

A wild concept is sharing your life and all things sacred to you that makes you happy with someone that makes you just as happy..then it’s over and you no longer like any of the stuff you once loved.

Resulting in you becoming lost because what brought you happyness now reminds you of a different kind of pain that you can’t fix right away. How do you just adapt to finding new interest? You become lost because you no longer know what you like so you are constantly confused and no longer enjoy your world.

INTERNETAUNTY


20 March 2019

Yes, I’ve been slacking and I can’t say I don’t enjoy it. I’ve been putting in much effort and dedication and with that comes weariness… luckily I’ve worked hard enough so far that my words can hold their own weight while I’m not dedicated to them but dedicated to me. I also have so many ideas that I’ve been working on to be brought to life and that’s kind of difficult among itself. Back to my “slack” and I quote because in a sense if you aren’t tired you’re not making progress and that’s not the case to me, over working the brain can cause more harm than any kind of gain that financial outcome could bring. I’m thinking less and doing more, resulting in me nothing having anything to write about since I write what I practice and practice what I preach. I’m getting the hang of me in this evolution of growth called indecisive enjoyment of self. I’ve been just focusing on how to come back better, different, make sure I’m giving something worth what thousands of people take time out their day for. With all this I can say I’m looking for to becoming extraordinary with my words, myself, my world.


22 March 2019

to be sad and mad but okay

things could be worse is what everyone says

I’m at my worse

We aren’t okay, we’re alright

we have a lot of gripes

we aren’t alright, we cry everynight

but it’s okay

things could be worse .. which is what everyone says..

I don’t think I’d mind it

the worse… at least it would be different

something new, something to improve

we’re aggressive. we are aggressive.

it gets better of course

we’re misunderstood, looked over, and put under

we’re

INTERNETAUNTY


Lancaster 13 April 2019


I must write everyday even if I have nothing to say because my thoughts should be heard, feelings should be felt, while cards are being dealt.

INTERNETAUNTY


Intuition

Empty feelings, Intuition

Ditch the Dealings

Intuition, Intuition

Follow how you feelings

Blissful ignorance…

Intuition, Intuition, Intuition

Focusing on the unforeseen

Wishing you were guided mentally

Intuition Intuition

INTERNETAUNTY


Beloved Betrayal, oh we are acquainted so very well

To be without misfortune probably wouldn’t be grand for what is there to stand up to?

Betrayal it’s almost like I need you..

I need to be assured I am not wrong just blind by what could be-should be

reminded, of what won’t be.

INTERNETAUNTY


Am I confused or refuse to

do I refuse to?

I refuse to… It’s easier that way

Although we cry that way

INTERNETAUNTY


I love you – I adore you

I don’t hate you – I’ll try to ignore you

It hurts me to accept the circumstances that has become

hopefully one day soon all things will go numb

until the end of time in my heart you are mine

I am designed, dedicated, and driven to you

taken advantage of, disappointed, and derelict too!

INTERNET AUNTY


I want unconditional everything

I want pure unconditional everything

I want all I ever wanted under no conditions, just so I know it’s mine

To know it’s for me and not to be taken away even if I never meet the conditions it sees the value in me

I want an unconditional everything or give me nothing

INTERNET AUNTY


Five Stages of Grief

I didn’t allow myself to feel how I felt because I never wanted to feel such unfavorable ways about.

I got angry because I never wanted to be angry with you, how’d you allow me to feel such ways about you.

Thousands of tears to rationalize fears I never wanted to experience.

To feel better comes with feeling pain, I hurt everyday, pains me to think I have to feel better without joy.

I haven’t accepted a thing..

I’ve only grown accustom to those feelings, it’s comfort in those feelings, they remind me of what should be but isn’t. Something I’ll never get again.

Feelings, whether for better or for worse, they’re feelings to let me know I can still feel.

– INTERNET AUNTY


Assumptions sometimes hurt more than the truth, remember that.

 – INTERNET AUNTY


STRUGGLING

Some days are better than most
Train myself to halt tears in moments that remind me
Realizing my sorrows keep me able to feel
Unable to heal, in the hopes I don’t forget
Growing pains have become excruciating for growth has stopped
Growing pains are aching eyes from nonstop tear drops
Losing, Loving, Leaving, Loathing, Learning
In-disbelief
Nothing last forever even forever eventually fades
Going with the flow while feeling still, stuck in this time, struggling

INTERNET AUNTY


You don’t love me, you just like me enough to keep me around.

and still, I stay.

INTERNET AUNTY


While also feeling nothing at all..you happen to feel it all.

INTERNET AUNTY


Some days we wake up the same
Sad

Some days we wake up the same
Mad

Everyday we wake up hoping for…
Better days

Everyday we wake up looking forward to..
Our best day

Some days we wake up
Relieved

Every night
We go to sleep Sad

Other nights we go to sleep Mad

At one point in the day, everyday our mind wanders.. realizing nothing was as it seemed and when everything left, left pieces of us to stay incomplete

INTERNET AUNTY


You’re honest because you don’t care about my feelings.

I thought you were honest to be built trust.

Such confusions and casualties created from Love .vs. Lust

INTERNET AUNTY


I’m in love with someone who likes me
how I feel is only felt by me
what I envision is only what my eyes see
I’m in love with someone who likes me

why do you like me?
how do you feel? what do you feel?
why is it so easy to deny me?
It’s impossible to think you see the importance of me and that’s fine by me
I’m in love with someone who likes me

the limit to love does not exist
any instance with you is to be everlasting is all I wish
since something is better than nothing I’ll always be satisfied with the bitterness
I’m in love with someone who likes me

INTERNET AUNTY


my darling, my love
my darling king who doesn’t love me

my love transition to him to fuel his love for someone other than me

my darling, my love
my darling king who presence is the only present that means so much to me

my love for you could probably light the lights on the empire state building

my darling, my love
my darling king who will never see the potential I could bring
to give a love so free, as you continue to fly away from me

I’m forever yours my darling
my love
my darling king

INTERNET AUNTY


I haven’t felt like myself for sometime realizing that I was never suppose to feel like an old variation of myself, but to embrace all my lessons I’ve learned disguised as blessings transitioning into me.


Changes must occur in order for you to learn and gain perspective for different walks of life but essentially it’s up to you to determine what you’re going to do with the knowledge placed upon you.


It’s not many good days
so when you have the opportunity to feel good for
many sundays
you become a little disappointed in self for
letting them go away

Isolation, starvation, and sleep deprivation
I’m well acquainted with
learning how to make crying your eyes out go unnoticed
all while your hearts hurting

I know I’m being mean right now as I hide my frown
So I understand if my unenthusiastic ability to not even explain
encourages you to go away

Leave me alone, I want to be alone
It’s not you, it’s me
I promise it’s not you, it’s me
but I rather not talk about it and just get on my own two feet
and since I’m tired of going thru this again
and again
I know you’ll grow tired of me


I know I’m not the only one finding comfort in sadness
It’s not disappointments, no expectations, just solemn madness
feelings aren’t being used therefore I’m not confused
it’s the only time I know for certain even though I’m hurting


Valencia 5 May 2019


Panorama City 7 June 2019

img_2898


Hollywood Bowl July 6 2019


Sherman Oaks August 8 2019


Do yourself a favor and reveal the real you so you can be loved and embraced correctly instead of accordingly

INTERNET AUNTY


“Remember everybody is not built like you” is valid thinking but also remember you do have control of who you keep around you and deal with.

INTERNET AUNTY


Watery eyes from self pity console me.
I don’t know what to do and my lack of emotions control me.
I’m trying, crying, and trying while I’m crying and crying while I’m trying.
Trying again so I’m so crying some more, spiritually I’m so sore.
trying to understand myself right now has become such a chore.

INTERNET AUNTY


I sit there plain faced trying to understand why I can’t grasp or appreciate why my heart no longer aches
isn’t that sad, I’ve grown so comfortable with being mad
I wish, sadness is my happy place
and I don’t even know how to feel happy so for the most part I just feel safe.

INTERNET AUNTY